Coming in so hot. Everything took just a little bit longer this morning, and then I got stuck behind SwampFox on Providence Road. I get out of the car all flustered but determined to get it together. Off we go, only to get about 10 steps before I realized my wallet was in my pocket. Head back to the car to stash that and now we are really ready to roll. Of course our friendly neighborhood batflipperz couldn't wait, so now they are out front and I am mid-to-back of the pack. Who do we got? Quick scan...Lee, of course. The aforementioned batflipperz. CheckPoint, check. Bobbi back from Italy. My man Gitmo, the cyclist, who I almost ran over on Johnston Rd over the holiday break. Okay, all is right in 2022. Then I looked to my left... and there it is.
A fine looking young man pushing a... STROLLER... I do a double take. Holy shit! There's a real live baby in that stroller!
Me: Hi, I'm Daniel Him (the man, not the baby): Hi, I'm Loronda Me: You brought a Baby to Ranger? Loronda: Sure did Me: Huh, a Baby... to Ranger... what's his name? Loronda: Colton aka Liddell
I need to think quick. Immediately caught up with Lee to ask what are the ground rules in this situation? I mean, the whole point of Ranger is that there are NO RULEZ. FNG can’t keep up, F*ck you, pay me! Coming back from injury and can’t keep up, F*ck you, pay me! Upset tummy making you get dropped, F*ck you, pay me! Got hit in the eye by the flames shooting out of Uncle Tony’s sword, F*ck you, pay me (if ever a workout needed the 5 and 2 project there for documentary purposes… but I digress)! You get the point, with babies’ come rules, and this is the land of lawlessness…
Me: Lee, am I required to take into account that this guy brought a BABY TO RANGER?!? Lee: You are not Me: Good, because I wasn’t planning on it.
So we proceeded down Park Drive towards Charlottetowne, me back in the lead with my chest all puffed out, all the PAX in tow, including Baby Colton.
But then it hit me… I don’t know if it was my fatherly instinct, or the respect I had for my man Loronda showing up to RANGER… with a BABY!!! But I thought, why can’t I accommodate the usual scoundrels that attend this shitshow, and a BABY? Being the HIM that I am, surely I can please all parties now involved.
What Was Accomplished
First deviation: Safety First. Rather than bolting across Charlottetowne without looking in either direction, or better yet, looking in both directions to make sure that me, and possibly only me, can make it across before that bus bearing down on us takes out the back half of the crew, I took a sharp right to head to the tunnel to Legion Stadium. Babies like tunnels, and Mom’s like their Babies not being hit by buses.
Partner up: Opposite ways around the stadium, meeting for 10 hand slap merkins at the other side. I specifically partnered with Loronda and Baby for two reasons: 1. I like this guy. He brought a BABY TO RANGER for chrissakes! 2. I needed to get away from Loronda and Baby so that I could say to Gitmo in an outside voice, “GUY, YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY BROUGHT A F*CKIN BABY TO RANGER!