The Thang: Rolled in hot, fueled by weekend hype and visions of the Kentucky Derby, dollar Grand Slams, and Metro Olympics glory. I had more lessons than this PAX could digest without syrup. Before we got moving, I scribbled some trivia on the notepad. Nobody asked for it, but they got it anyway.
Warm-Up: Headed north with the fast ponies hot on my heels. Stopped at the church lot for:
SSH x20
The Sharons (New Name Alert) x20
Grapevine Stretch x20
Why 20? Because there are 20 horses in the Derby. I thought about doing 21, but that's a Blackjack reference and this ain't Vegas.
Derby Relay: Trotted into Colony. Chalet startled something in the bushes—it fled like someone just yelled "last call at Waffle House."
Made our way to the pristine streets of Carmel Park—imagine Stepford, but with better landscaping and suspiciously clean ponds adorned with fountains releasing continuous white fluids.
Dropped some Derby knowledge: Journalism is the current betting favorite. Good luck trusting anyone with that name.
The Breakfast Circuit: Split up and ran the Carmel Park loop, high-fiving with enthusiasm (and light regret).
20 hand slaps when we crossed paths.
Regrouped and headed back via Country Day.
Stopped for:
9 Merkins
9 Plank Jacks
Why 9? Because Denny’s is offering a $1 Grand Slam when you buy one until May 9th. This workout was sponsored by hunger and questionable nutrition choices.
Finisher: Dashed back to the lot with just enough time to squeeze in the Parking Spot Shuffle— a crowd-pleaser and a quad-killer. It’s like musical chairs but with more sweat and less music.
COT: 'The Bait' (jailbait) dropped some truth on us about running our own race—whether you're a Derby thoroughbred or a short-order Denny’s cook slinging hash browns at 3am. Good reminder that we’re all showing up for something bigger.
Oh—and shoutout to everyone committed (minus Titan) for the Metro Olympics at 7 AM Saturday at AG. This will be the most intense athletic competition run by millennials since the last time someone dropped a pickleball paddle.
Moleskine: Trivia brought the heat. Lots of PAX asking “Why 20, Newport?” and “Wait, 9 bucks for what?” One guy left knowing horse betting loses money fast, but Denny’s egg prices might be an even riskier investment. Grand Slam inflation is real, y’all.
Moral of the Morning: With the Derby in Lexington and $1 breakfasts calling, it’s tempting to choose one. But thanks to the magic of modern scheduling and basic cable, you can hit both after crushing the most manly competition this side of a Home Depot parking lot—the F3 Olympics.
Over and Out Newport