Men of F3 Metro, Cancel the country club brunch. Reschedule the manicure. We converge at AG this Saturday at 7AM. The time for Olympic glory is here, and it smells like sweat, AG mulch, and regret. WHY: Because somewhere deep down, you still think you could’ve gone D1
This year’s F3 Metro Olympics has been engineered with precision, pain, and probably a little insanity thanks to Sausage and Sheep – our fearless Qs of Chaos. If you think it’ll be easy… well, you must be new here.
Your Olympic Gauntlet Includes: 5K Run – For those who enjoy wheezing in public 2.5K Run (Core Option) – Still hurts, but with 50% fewer tears Bench Press – Witness grown men argue over form and count like toddlers Farmer’s Carry – Carry heavy things until your forearms file for divorce Tire Flip – Flip a tire, flip your life, bend your kneeds 100m Timed Sprint – You vs. gravity and hamstring integrity 500m Timed Sprint – Who needs lungs, anyway? Core options exist for all workouts above to see grown men cry
Our Judges & Administrative Oversight? Brutal. Legendary. Unbribable. Dredd – Will judge you with words and eyebrows. Raised on the hard knock streets of Fairfield County, has given us his time and has no patience. Carrier – Precision whistlework and full accountability Scrooge – Will dock points for weak sauce and excuses, favors Tiny Tim Mountain Momma- will throw you in a headlock if your time is beneath acceptable Cold Cuts- the injured 'idea guy' that helped hatched this genie from its bottle but blew his courage out on a onewheel on vacation And several others who've signed up to mock all the men in the arena
Will your AO rise to the top? Will your team bring home glory? The workout was planned by Milennials so you may get a medal just for participating. Or will you just find out how fast you can cramp up on a tire flip?
One way to find out. Show up. Compete. Leave it all out there (including possibly your spleen).
SYITG,
– Newport “Come for the bench press. Stay for the verbal abuse.”