Special Event; the Concord NC Mud Run

The BackBlast:

Location: Porter Farms in Concord, NC
Conditions: 80 degrees and Moist; a Slip ‘N Slide with random flies.

The Thang:
150+ HIMs showed up bright and early from 7:45 start times to 2:15pm (most of us questioning our life choices before the first obstacle but the biggest F3 crew launched at 11am, with Kodak out front). We weren’t sure if this was a mud run or an audition for this year’s best Completely Stupid and Utterly Pointless. It was for certain a great showing by F3.

Wait, the best CSAUP is going to be the F3 metro olympics, isnt it?

Onwards. Before each race approx 50+ runners would start in a pen (similar to what Ranchers do with Cows before we get prime rib, hamburgers and sausage). The starter walks around the pen and shares a motivational speech, humble brags on the Spartan brand, and gives a generally non intuitive view of how the race will go down. Then somehow the pen opens and the group runs its first hills.

The Highlights of the 5k workout included:

4 foot walls
Round Bale of Hay Wall
Waist High Hurdles
Monkey Bars- this one had a penalty run because only 50% of runners made it
Sandbag Carry IN MUD- runners were losing sneakers in the mud while hoisting a muddy bag over the shoulders walking 100yards in the wetlands of the course.
Rope Climb
Spear Throw- Cuts was spotted doing 30 burpees because his soft-trader hands couldnt throw a spear 10 feet.
Run into the woods, this is where Newport hit an underground cable and went head over teakettle like a magnet was in his forehead and the ground was steel
Multi Rig rings
Run by the chicken barns- whats that smell?
Inverted 6ft wall- at about this point more walkers appeared in the later races
Bucket Carry- 60lbs for boys, 30 for gals
Atlas (Round concrete ball) Carry
6ft wall
Barbed Wire Crawl- this is where it got interesting. 1. things slow down because flab gets caught on barbs, f3 flab doesn’t 2. when you’re face down in the dirt one sees fertilizer up close (its not the Scotts brand we buy at Ace Hardware). 3. there’s a sad clown in every heat that says ‘we’re not even halfway’.
Rolling Mud- an adult mud pen, think John Candy in stripes
Dunk Wall- a 5ft deep pit where competitors swim under a wall
Slip Wall- climb up a steel wall with a rope
Hercules hoist, pull a bag of sand up 50 feet with a pulley
Plate Drag
AFrame wall climb
Jump over Fire
adjourn, collect Spartan swag, go to the F3 tent.

The rope climb, rings (the rig), and a few others had a penalty run option if the obstacles were crowded and you wanted to skip it.

NMM:
The most coveted race announcers like Jackie Stewart of the wide world of sports, Ken Squier of Nascar, and even Randy Moss of the KY Derby Fame (not the WV footballer) know how to call and promote a race. When a man of F3 laces up for a spartan race we didnt pay for a Clinton state of the union speech on how we’re overcoming life’s biggest hurdles. The starter’s promotion speech was quite windy and we started to sense even the sad clowns in the pen next to us were thinking of bailing out. So yes, we’re glad we signed up and want more of those skull insignia sytle merch, but the Metro Olympics will get Randy Moss. Thankfully the starter shut his gen-z pie hole and the race got off.

First out of the gate was Cold Cuts, who ran the course early to make it back while the showers were working. Launched at 7:45 he didn’t look back. Cuts shredded the course like they shred that ‘covington meat’ served in his hometown skyline chili. There’s a picture in one of these text chats with him cracking a heineken before noon. Tesla shocked the world with a quick time and making the leap over a freshly lit fire. Rousey (an adopted pax of metro) was throwing himself over obstacles with the grace of a gazelle. Kodak made the social media highlights with his weasel shaker Flag carry- he carried the F3 flag the whole way, a real crowd pleaser. Spainyard got cut up a bit and his hand model days might be on pause. Dark Helmet motivated the troops while somehow staying slightly cleaner. He was dressed head to toe in mud gear, boys medium. It was commented his barbed wire crawl game was an A+, and his rallying skills brought a ton of F3 recognition at the race.

YHC, grateful to booty’s offer of a ticket transfer, wrapped up the day in the 2:15 heat notching 3rd place in the active adult category. The nutmeg 2.0 made the trip and ran the kids race, but wanted to make it home since it was our first trip outside of 485 in a long time. The ride home to new Jerusalem was quiet, and through yesterday mom still gets a whiff of that dry and vitamin rich mud. She’s mumbled a few times ‘this seemed like a good idea last month’?

COT:
We circled up, wet and glad it was done, another big event in the books.
SYITG, with a new appreciation for the metro.
—Newport